Is my spouse lying that he only slept twice in his entire lifetime with whores and he loves me so much etc?

me and my husband had a whirlwind courting days for four years then we got married and moved out of town far away from all my relatives in a new place in the south. In the first few months my husand was good until he got into the habit of drinking he used to work as a ship chandeler getting good salary and life was good until he got into this habit i was in only 19 when i got married and very naive and loved my husband so much that i almost believed everything he did or say. Then a time came in my marriage which was just one plus year old when my husband started staying away from home almost through out the day he used to come home at 3 totally drunk and again leave at 6 in the morning on confronting him he used to say i have to supply material to the ship etc. No one to confide to in a strange place and language problm i used to sit the whole day waiting with just one dog for company cook for him his favorites but he used to eat and come and just drop off to sleep in the middle of the night. This went on for almost five to six months. Then one day i came to know through the autodirver who used to bring himhome dead drunk that he was going to watch cabaret dances every day. that town being a small town there was this just one hotel having this serivce, on confronting my husband he said it was part and parcel of his job to entertain the chief stewards and that though the chief steward used to visit the prostiitutes after wine dine and cabaret he never did becos he loved me etc. Before this cabaret visit once I even caught him kissing my servant maid in the house that too on my first birthday after marriage, he had the guts to do this when the whole house was full of guests again on confronting he said he did it under influence though then i started getting doubts becoz our kitchen was in the basement and every morning i used to go down faithfully to try out new breakfasts for him and the maid used to go up at the pretense of sweeping once or twice i had a doubt that something is cooking or what becoz my husband had the habit of having a glass of water after sex and smoke a cigarette and many a times i saw him just with a towel around and the maid offering him a glass of water and he standing and smoking even at that time i just thought just as i m loving him he wil never do any such thing. This cabaret dance visits continued with me seeing my husband only between 3 am totally drunk and moving out 6 am then i made up my mind and left for mumbai alone with my brotherin law who was visiting us, my hometown and near my family. Soon my husband followed and then again we settled down in life i started working he was always in the sales and wanted to be out. He hardly stuck at a job becos of his drinking and sleeping in the afternun he lost good jobs and i kept slogging like an idiut and kept removing his debts thinking one day he will improve. We never ever used condoms in life, one day i found condoms in the house and i confronted him so he said that he read in the papers about safe sex etc..but v never used. then suddenly my younger brother pased away and we had to look after myparents my husband looked after my parents well though even when my mother suffered a stroke he did not put her in a free hospital or anything like that he looked after her well but now a few months back we had to put them in a home becos we were unable to spend behind servants who refused to work inspite of fat salaries. Now after years i came to know that my husband was sleeping with woman down south, when i confronted him he said yes he did sleep but just twice in his entire lifetime once in the south and once in mumbai so then the condom story struck me now he keeps swearing that he just had it twice, and becoz he loved me he used to send the chief stewards to the whores but he used to just watch the dances. Knowing my husband if he picks up a habit it is very hard for him to leave it. I feel so cheated becoz all my life i have kept slogging removing his debts now i think all his money must be going to the whores and not drinking as he used to say. Though the only thing good is that he looked after my mother properly. I only have a job with a minimal salary dont know where to go with a pet dog. He keeps showering me with love and food etc. saying he just strayed twice which is impossible to believe. I dont know where to go and what to do. dont want to commit suicide becos somewhere i had read that u have to live this life u gave up all over again, which i dread to even dream of. What should i do continue my life believing him becoz he never lets me handle any finances i have to keep asking him for daily market etc. but he does not hesitate willingly gives. I have forgiven himbut cannot forget so soon. Like that he helps around in the house and all. He has even left drinking right now . When i try some more info from the past he gets angry and abusive saying now what else u want me to do. shul i belv him and continu i still luv him